My Blog

Kiss Better, Kiss More

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 13:11:21 -0600

A short blog to get you thinking about kissing.
Husbands, don’t kiss your wife with nasty breath. What creates nasty breath? Smoking. Garlic. Onions. Belching. Cold and flu. Acid Reflux. Gingivitis. Morning mouth. How do you know if you have nasty unkissable breath? Ask your bride. If she hesitates and says, “Well…sometimes,” then thank her and do something about it. It’s basic hygiene, good manners and common sense.
Do kiss your wife anytime and anyplace. On her cheek. On her neck. On her forehead. In the kitchen. On the front porch. On steps. In the car. On a picnic. In the church lobby. In the supermarket aisle. In line at the amusement park. When she looks beautiful. When she doesn’t.
Do look at her before you kiss her. Once in a while, hold her face gently in your hands and look at her for a full five seconds before kissing her.
Do kiss across the room. Secret blown kiss between a husband and wife create a nice way to connect during a busy wedding reception, family gathering, yard sale or kid’s birthday party.
Do kiss your wife in front of the kids. They need to know that passion is a viable option within the confines of a committed marriage relationship. Your kids don’t see that often on TV. Apparently, scriptwriters and producers don’t think married romance is interesting to viewers. Kissing your bride in plain sight builds a sense of security for your children in a world in which many of their peers have unstable family relationships. By the way, you know you’re doing it right if your third grader says, “Ewww” or your teenager says, “Get a room.”
Don’t kiss your wife only when you want something. If the only time you kiss her is when you’re hoping to sweep her off to the bedroom, then you are conditioning your wife to bristle at your kisses. She’s thinking about all the household chores that need to get done, and now she has to fight you off for the next two hours. That’s not foreplay for her, that’s work.
Do kiss her unselfishly. Make your kisses a frequent loving gift delivered with absolutely no agenda, and she will soon learn to appreciate them, enjoy them, and kiss back with equal (or more) passion.
Keep practicing. Someday – perhaps decades from now – sex may not be an option. It could be for any number of physical conditions for you or your bride. And that’s really okay. Because you have mastered the fine art of kissing.

TAKE AWAY
It’s good to think about kissing.

"You should be kissed and often and by someone who knows how."
-Margaret Mitchell (1900-1949)
Spoken by Rhett Butler in “Gone with the Wind”

The above is excerpted from
Chapter #46 of . . .

Jay’s Winter Chicken Soup

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 10:47:37 -0600

The days are gone when wives planned, shopped, cooked, and served 365 suppers at home per year. Every family is different, but I’m going to assume that in your home that number is still somewhere close to 200.
Pizza delivery, Chinese carryout, Colonel chicken, McDs, nicer restaurants, holidays, skipped meals, sports banquets, tailgating, weddings, and dinner at grandma’s account for the other evenings.
You may try to take credit for the days that you play grill master, but please don’t. Chances are your bride arranged for the buns, side dishes, relishes, and condiments. All you did was burn the burgers or undercook the pork chops giving everyone a fun salmonella scare.
After 30 years of marriage, I am stunned to consider that Rita may very well have called the kids and me to the table some 6000 times. That’s a lot of spaghetti, pot roasts, baked tilapia, stir fry, tacos, and tuna casserole.
That’s also a lot of me saying, “Great dinner. Thanks, love.” But somehow, that doesn’t quite seem like enough. Which is why guys need a strategy and a go-to recipe that allows us – once every few weeks – to be hero for the day. Here’s the plan . . .
First, pick an evening or afternoon that your wife looks a little haggard. (Don’t tell her she looks haggard. Trust me, that would be totally counter-productive.) Also, make sure she isn’t already defrosting something. Then, off-handedly say, “Hey, can I make dinner tonight?” Her response might be a quizzical look, an enthusiastic cheer, an outright guffaw, or a sarcastic verbal response. Something like, “Wow, that would be great. What are we having? Toast?” With the recipe below you can honestly and casually say, “I have something a little more satisfying and nutritious in mind, but thanks for the vote of confidence.”
Then, go shopping. Check to see if you already have potatoes, an onion, or anything else on the list. But don’t involve your wife too much. If she has to get up from her comfy chair five times to look for veggies, find a big pot, point you to the spice cabinet, or show you how to turn on the stove, you’re totally defeating the purpose.
Here’s the recipe. I hope you can take it from here . . .

Jay’s Winter Chicken Soup
* One of those hot, pre-cooked chickens popular now in supermarket delis for about $6.99.
* A can of chicken broth or five or six chicken bullion cubes
* A half bag of those small carrots with the rounded edges
* Two big potatoes or four small potatoes. (Rinsed)
* An onion.
* A couple stalks of celery, if you like.
* A nice handful of egg noodles. (Not as many as you think because they expand like crazy as they cook.)
* A few good dashes of garlic powder or one of those Italian seasoning blends that include basil, oregano, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
* A few cups of water.
* A nice fresh warm loaf of French or Italian bread from the same supermarket. (The kind that comes in the long, white paper bag.)
At home, wash your hands, plop the bird on a cutting board, and start pulling off chunks of meat. Cut the chicken pieces, carrots, onion, potatoes and celery into pieces. Any size works. I usually chop everything to about the size of a sugar cube. For sure peel the onion, but you can even leave the skin on the potatoes.
Put everything in a big pot except the noodles (and the bread.) Get that water boiling. And then toss in the noodles. Check the directions on the bag of noodles, but 10 – 12 minutes should do it. Stir a lot. Simmer (which means turn down the heat) while you cut the bread into nice thick one inch slices. Serve!

A couple of other hints. Clean as you go. Taste the broth and toss in spices until you like it. Don’t burn your tongue. Set the table with soup spoons, butter knives, bowls and bread plates. If there’s any left over, just leave it on the stove to cool and make room in the fridge for the entire pot. Insist that you also clean up the kitchen.
Finally, guys, deflect any praise. Do not assume or accept hero status for making one measly meal. Making a pot of soup once every couple of months is no big deal.

“Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all."
-- Harriet Van Horne (1920 – 1998)

The above is excerpted from
Chapter #31 of . . .

An alternative to typical goalsetting for a brand new year

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:05:54 -0600

Is this year going to be your most successful year ever?
Have you carefully filled your 2012 bucket list with worthwhile business and fitness goals that will cause you to leap out of bed in the morning with purpose and determination? Do you have a personal mission statement that gives you a daily green light reminding you to go, go, go full speed ahead?
Well, I’m rooting for you. Really I am. But please consider this.
More important than the green light, does your mission statement have a red light clause? Do you know when enough is enough? If you don’t know when you’ve reached your goal, when do you stop running? When is enough, enough?
The idea of goal setting is especially important for dads. But be careful. Don’t set unreachable goals. And don’t set your goals using a floating scale. Too many men spend their life trying to keep up with their neighbors. But just as soon as they catch up, they change neighborhoods. They move to a bigger house surrounded by even bigger houses and greener lawns. Consider this passage from Philippians.
“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (Philippians 4:11-12 NIV)
Learning contentment is actually a wise survival skill for today’s competitive world. Some other guy will always have a bigger house, higher-achieving kids, or a hotter wife. (Not applicable to my wife and kids.)
Certainly, I hope you’ve positioned a long bright avenue of green lights in your year ahead. Signals that say “hit the gas” are invaluable when it comes to reaching worthy life goals. But I also hope you position some yellow and red lights along the way to remind you to enjoy the scenery and smell the flowers.
Perhaps the ultimate goal is to be able to walk in your door at the end of the day and be able to say, “It’s good to be home. This home. With this family.”

What about you?
Making a list of goals is a good thing. Even aggressive goals that require hard work and superior intelligence. But on your list of goals make sure to include things like “happy wife,” “happy kids,” and “humility.”

Kiss the Girl

Fri, 6 Jan 2012 13:28:49 -0600

A husband and wife are driving down a country road. They’re a few years older than you are now. He’s behind the wheel. The pavement and cornfields are passing by. She breaks the silence with a sigh and says, “Remember when we were younger and we used to sit right next to each other in the car?” After a moment, the husband replies, “I remember, but you know, I haven’t moved.”
It’s a story from way before seat belt laws, but the sentiment still carries a bushel of truth. Men – the good ones like you and me – travel down the road of life with a sense of stability and direction. We’re not out drinking every night. We do our best to bring home a paycheck and be a good father. An affair is not an option. Neither is divorce. Our deepest need is for our bride to sit close to us and tell us – just once in a while – that we’re doing a good job. That we’re appreciated. That they look up to us and need us.
Our wives on the other hand slide back and forth. They don’t know what they want. A career or a houseful of babies? A new washer/dryer or a week in Aruba? A bigger house or just bigger closets? Do they want a husband who is sensitive and tender or a tattooed bad boy riding a Harley? While they’re daydreaming about what they want we’re a mere two feet away hoping they’ll ask us for it. We desperately want to fill their every desire. We want to be their shining knight and perfect man. If only they’d slide next to us and tell us what they want.
How did we get here? Two feet and two miles apart.
Think back to not too long ago. Remember that girl you married? The girl who caught your eye. The girl you couldn’t keep your hands off of? The girl that taught you to love in brand new ways. Romantic love. Committed love. Crazy love. Eternal love. Silly love. You may be thinking, Where did that girl go?
Gentlemen, she’s right there. That girl is inches away. She’s looking down the same road and going the same direction. She’s committed to sharing your life and sharing your bed. By the way, she’s asking the same question. Where did that boy go?
Men of courage, follow your impulse.
Pull the car over. Look into her eyes, maybe for the first time in a long time. Tell her she means everything to you. Be the boy. Be the girl. Expect no less than to memorize each other’s hopes and dreams.
Steam up those windows. With conversation, of course.
#####

Resolution Revolution for Dads

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 12:38:38 -0600

Some thoughts from Carey Casey and Jay Payleitner to help you be more intentional about your fathering in 2012 . . .

Planning on dropping a few pounds? Giving up caffeine? Reading a book a month?

These are all great resolutions, but you might want to add one ...

How about making a resolution about being the best dad you can be? And then going public with that commitment?

Likely, the best way you can improve as a dad is by spending more time with your children ...

Create a standing date with your daughter.

Instead of sitting down and watching the news, spend the first 30 minutes with your kids when you walk in the door.

Take your son on that weekend trip you’ve been promising him.

Involve your tween in your hobby or other activity -- woodworking, NASCAR, golf, politics, volunteer work, cooking, gardening, hunting, commodities trading, reading biographies, sailing, tennis, backgammon, bridge, snowmobiling, pottery, mount climbing, opera, auto repair, barbershop quartet, scuba diving, ping pong, motocross, stamp collecting, jazz . . .

Enter your tween’s world -- video games, skateboarding, surfing, pizza making, action flicks, traveling sports, shopping, watching old movies past midnight . . .

Find a TV show the two of you can watch together. Call it “our show.” If something inappropriate comes on screen, you’ll be right there to talk about why the producers included it and how it could have been handled better,

Get your family to church 10 minutes early every Sunday in 2012.

Often the greatest challenge in relating to your kids is probably finding the time.

So take out your calendar right now and mark out blocks of time to spend with each child. Then, get your hands on your kids’ school calendar and make sure you can attend the special events.

And here are two more specific Action Items for 2012:

1. Take our Championship Fathering Profile. Then—to make sure you keep your commitments—take it again in June or July. Be sure to schedule a reminder right now.

2. Go public! You’ll be a lot more likely to keep your commitment if you post your resolution publicly. Be sure to leave a comment below!

This New Year, don’t just make resolutions. Make commitments. Turn ideals into reality, and reach for greatness as a dad.

Happy 2012!

P.S. Carey’s resolution this year is to take his son Chance along on business trips at least four times throughout the year. Jay’s resolution this year is to pray for all of his kids everyday in specifics, not generalities.

#####

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.”

Jay Payleitner is a freelance radio producer and author of 8 books including 52 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands, released this month.

The Meaning of “Home”

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 08:24:50 -0600

Guest blogger Carey Casey, CEO of The National Center for Fathering reminds you that there’s no place like home. Especially at Christmas . . .
Over the years, my wife and I have occasionally brought up the idea of moving. Our house suits our needs, but it's nothing spectacular. Some would say it's humble.
Every Christmas, we have our entire family in our house for a celebration—my four kids, three spouses, and a sleigh full of grandkids.
It’s a tight fit into our main living room.
But my older kids cherish coming home. And they are the ones who say, "No, don't you sell this house, Dad. We have memories here."
Since they're married now, they have to sleep in small rooms with two single beds, and their babies sack out in cribs or in sleeping bags on the floor.
And they love it …
Bigger is not always better. Nicer is not always what your children want.
So, I guess we'll bring in a few extra chairs when we all open up our new pajamas on Christmas Eve—that's one of our traditions.
And the next morning, when we walk down the stairs—oldest to youngest so that the adults get to see the kids’ face as they walk in and see the trees and gifts and whole family waiting …
Well, we’ll feel a little packed.
But it’ll all be just right. We’ll be home.
Even as I say that, though, I'm pretty sure my kids would tell you the best part of being "home" for the holidays is not the house itself. It's more about who is there and what we do.
My kids razz each other. Fireworks explode across the grandkids’ faces as they see their presents... which delights the adults even more than the kids.
I count my blessings to have them with me.
In today's world, family situations are complicated. Maybe some of your kids can’t be home with you. Or maybe you’ll meet in a central location that isn’t “home” to anyone.
A few weeks ago, I told you about a 65-year-old mom who reads The Night Before Christmas over the phone to her kids every Christmas Eve. They have families of their own, and they are scattered across the country...
But every year, Mom and her two daughters make sure they find a way to enjoy their tradition together.
Your family doesn’t have to be at home to be home. Your family doesn’t even have to be together to be together.
Creating a “home” is about creating traditions and bonds that tie the family together, wherever they are.
So I encourage you to do whatever you can to keep your family traditions going, or to create new ones if your family has changed.
The idea is to be flexible in where, when and how you celebrate. Being together—if only in spirit—is how to really bring Christmas home.
Merry Christmas to you and yours,
Carey

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.”

Passing on some ideas for dads from Tony Dungy . . .

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 10:11:02 -0600

I recently had the privilege of contributing a chapter to the book The 21-Day Dad’s Challenge: Three Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Kids. My friend, Carey Casey, CEO of The National Center for Fathering, served as general editor. Tony Dungy, also wrote a chapter called “Do the Things Your Kids Want to Do.”

Carey especially identified with the chapter from Tony. Both men work hard and when they get home from a long day sometimes they just want to walk in the door and crash on the couch. But truth be told, Tony was spot-on when he wrote this:

The key to getting the most out of our time ... is my willingness to do what my kids want to do—even when they’re not necessarily the things I’d prefer to do.

That’s something we should remind ourselves every day when we come home from work, and every morning on the weekends.

And if you have some vacation time to spend with your family, plug this advice into your brain for the holidays.

Want to hear more of Tony’s advice? Here are Tony Dungy’s Action Points, which will help you get the most out of your time with your children this holiday season—straight from our book, The 21-Day Dad’s Challenge. (I’m paraphrasing him and adding my own ideas as well ...)

1.      Bake something together. Let your child pick the recipe, and share the food with the rest of the family.
2.      Check out a book of science experiments or magic tricks. Then let your child pick the one that interests him or her the most, and work on it together.
3.      Play a game of HORSE, but spell your child’s name instead.
4.      Sign up for a class together, and let your child choose the class. It could be dancing, cooking, or anything that interests him.
5.      Give the gift of time. What is your child’s favorite thing in the world to do? Of course, you probably can’t give your child a trip to Hawaii, but how about giving him 20 one-hour coupons to go to the park with you, toss a football in the yard, go to the movies, or whatever else interests him?
6.      Let your child teach you how to do something. If your daughter is a cheerleader, ask her to teach you a cheer. If your son loves to play the guitar, ask him to teach you a few chords.
7.      If you have an older child who is learning how to drive, let her drive you to a restaurant for pizza. She gets to choose the music and the toppings. You get to pay!

One final note ... If you are having a hard time coming up with a present for your spouse, how about buying a copy of The 21-Day Dad’s Challenge: Three Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Kids?

Then, put yourself to the challenge as a gift to your spouse.

(It probably can’t be the only gift you give her, but it might end up being the best one.)

You can buy it right here, and I promise you one thing ...

Your kids will thank you; your wife will thank you ...

And Tony, Carey and I will also thank you.
/jay

######

Five End-of-Year Dad Strategies

Thu, 8 Dec 2011 10:08:23 -0600

Today’s guest dadbloggers are Carey Casey, CEO of The National Center for Fathering and Eric Snow, National Director of Watch D.O.G.S. (Dads of Great Students) ...

It’s always the same this time of year ...

Work obligations slow down a bit (if you are lucky) and family obligations start picking up.

So let me ask you a question: How can you invest that extra time directly into your child’s future -- to grow their minds, hearts and souls?

Seriously, think about it. How often do you take your child to school or even just enter the building? How often do you hang out talking about his teachers and favorite subjects? Are you really impressing your values into the life of that kid you love so much?

Here are five ideas brought to you by Eric Snow, the national director of Watch D.O.G.S. Pick one, two, three, four or all five!

1. Plan a day right now to volunteer at your child’s school as part of our WATCH D.O.G.S. (Dads Of Great Students) program—or help bring the program to the school if there isn’t one. We currently are on track to having about 230,000 fathers who volunteer at least one day each year at their child’s school. Join us, and make it 230,001.

2. Spend some time creating something with your child to give to his or her teacher and/or principal before Christmas break. It doesn’t have to be expensive. A homemade card, poem, story, plate of cookies, or drawing would be perfect.

1. Make a New Year’s resolution to read to your child and/or help him or her with homework at least four nights a week.

1. Remember that most schools ignore some big components of education: budgeting and family life. Ask your kids to help with the shopping list, and the grocery shopping. This is a great opportunity for real life lessons on planning, organizing, and budgeting. In the same vein, make sure your kids get to help with meal preparation. Even if you are going to a relative’s house, you can bake and frost some cookies together to take with you.

5 Beyond school and education, this is an ideal time to teach your children the joy and privilege of giving. To help develop a generous spirit in your child, you could:

·      At a mall, Wal-Mart or church, get your family involved with “Angel Tree,” a ministry of Prison Fellowship which provides details (name and gift suggestion) of a child whose parent is incarcerated. Include your child in every step of the process: Ask your son or daughter to help you pick out a present for this child, have your child pay for the gift and drop it off with the Angel Tree representatives.

·       Take your child with you when you ask your church if there is a family that you could help in some way during the holidays. Include them in on whatever assistance you provide. Depending on how old your child is, you might even put him or her in charge of coordination.

·       Ask a younger child to drop money in the Salvation Army kettle.

Dad, make a plan to really get involved in your kids academic and spiritual growth in 2012. If not you, than who?

If you have any fresh end-of-the-year ideas for dads, we’d love to hear them!

#######

You can learn more about our WATCH D.O.G.S. program—including tons of success stories from around the country—on our website or the WATCH D.O.G.S. group on Facebook.

Playing Hooky with Dad

Thu, 1 Dec 2011 14:26:59 -0600

A guest dadblog from my jolly old friend and the CEO of The National Center for Fathering, Carey “Kris Kringle” Casey . . .

A mom I know recently told me that when she was a kid, her dad would help her "play hooky."

Shocking, right?

It’s actually a great example of a father who created a memorable tradition and bonded with his daughter during the holiday season ...

See ... her dad used to excuse her from school for a day right before winter break and take her shopping. Sure, they got some holiday shopping done, but more than that ... it was a day to bond.

She felt like she was getting a rare and special treat, and because her dad was “in on it,” she felt particularly close to him on that day.

Dad, are you looking for unique opportunities to bond with your kids this season? If you take a look, you’ll see that they are all around you. (Just to be clear, I don’t recommend helping your child play hooky all the time, but some experiences and traditions are worth it ... )

Traditions—whatever they are—help create anticipation and memories that last a lifetime. Your family is unique, and traditions allow you to express your common bond as a family during the holidays.

When I talk about traditions, I’m not talking about television programs or the family’s annual Xbox 360 challenge. Rather, I’m talking about building traditions that encourage discussion and togetherness. You may already have some great traditions that work for your family, or maybe you’re looking for a few more to add. The point, Dad, is that it’s your job to lead the way.

Here are our 10 Action Points for creating lasting family traditions this holiday season.

Keep in mind, every family is different, so these are just a few ideas:

1.     Start by thinking about the traditions from your youth, and ask your spouse to do the same thing. Then discuss those that you want to continue, and others you’d like to invent for your own family. Who said you have to have turkey or ham? One family we know splurges with the same exotic shrimp dish every Christmas. That’s their tradition. Another has Italian beef.

2.     How about a cookie party where each member of the entire family bakes one kind of cookie? From this, you can make plates of cookies and distribute to neighbors, the postman, whomever …

3.     In one family, Uncle Tim leads all the cousins on a nature hike through the woods before Christmas dinner.

4.     Another family—with older kids—volunteers at the local soup kitchen during the holidays.

5.     Read a holiday story or a passage from the Bible. We know many families who read Luke chapter two before opening presents. Another family listens to Peter and the Wolf. Another 65-year-old mom of adult daughters reads them The Night Before Christmas every Christmas Eve, even if she has to do it over the phone.

6.     If emphasizing your faith is important part of your holidays, attend a candlelight service on Christmas Eve. Candlelight services can make a big impression on youngsters who are already caught up in the spirit of Christmas. In the midst of the gifts, the food, the decorating, and all the other activities, make sure your family also celebrates and worships the reason for the season.

7.     Save all the holiday cards you receive—unopened—until Christmas Eve. Then, with everybody gathered round, open the cards, read them one by one, talk about how you know that family, and thank God for blessing you with such great friends.

8.     Buy a “family ornament” every year. Choose a tree ornament that symbolizes the most significant family event this past year. Maybe it will be a little house (if you moved), or a little dog (if you got a new pet), or a symbol for one of your children’s accomplishments. Write the year on the back, and in years to come, you can watch your family history unfold year by year as you decorate the tree.

9.     Give each child his or her own ornament each year. It may be hard to imagine, but just about the time the tree branches really start to droop, the kids will marry and take their ornaments with them for their own tree, and start the tradition again with their own children.

10. Make videos with everybody talking about the highlights of the past year—even if you have a baby who can only make gurgles and squeals. As your children grow, and then when your family expands to include spouses and even grandchildren, just think how valuable those videos will become!

Dad, I know sometimes these holiday traditions can seem routine; you may not realize how important they are to your kids. They may not even realize it. But as the years go by and the children leave home, trust me ... it just won’t be Christmas without those traditions.


Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a father who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.”

Thanksgiving vs. Football

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 10:13:00 -0600

A timely guest dadblog from Carey Casey, CEO of The National Center for Fathering . . .

I have a prediction: I bet you’re going to watch a football game or two on Thursday ...

It’s a great tradition—at least one that I enjoy each Thanksgiving.

And here’s one thing I really like about watching football with the family. Football, as with all sports, comes ripe with teachable moments.

Think about the messages you are sending to your kids while watching a football game. When your team is too far behind to catch up, do you roll your eyes and say, “They might as well go home”?

Or do you cheer for them, shouting for them to play their hearts out anyway?

And when a referee makes a bad call that favors your team, do you call for fairness anyway?

So with that in mind, here are some tips for dads …

Action Points for Watching Football on Thanksgiving:

1.      Hold your team to high standards.

If one of your favorite team’s players is misbehaving, don’t defend him. Defending people who behave inappropriately could teach your kids that it’s okay for them to disregard authority figures in their lives (even you) if it serves their own purposes.

It also tells children that some adults don’t have to behave. This is the wrong message to send children. Yes, children should respect adults. But they should also be aware that adults shouldn’t get away with inappropriate behavior simply because they are adults.

So when you see a player or coach misbehave, or when a referee makes an unfair call that benefits your team, calmly explain to your child that you disagree. You can say things like:

·         “Oh, it’s too bad the referee made that call. I like to see my team win fair and square.”
·         “I wish that player wouldn’t behave that way. I’m always a little embarrassed to watch a grownup who doesn’t know how to control himself.”

2.      Manage your anger appropriately.

I really don’t like it when the Chiefs are losing. In fact, when I’m watching a game alone, I’ve been known to blow off a little steam. But when your children are watching a game with you, it is important that you manage your anger and disappointment.

If your team plays its heart out and still loses, you have an opportunity to teach your children that you will love them even if they make mistakes or fail.

Sure, it’s okay to be disappointed, but being angry or mocking a team’s performance just because they lose sends your kid a negative message: I’ll stop loving you if you fail. If you haven’t done it in a while, maybe this weekend would be a good time to come right out and tell your child: “I will always love you no matter what—even when you fail, mess up or make bad decisions.”

3.      Encourage goal-setting.

This is a good opportunity to talk to your children about hard work and goal setting. Be sure your children know how much you admire athletes for their hard work and discipline. You can say things like:

·         “Can you imagine how much work it took for Aaron Rodgers to get to this place? Look at that arm! How many times do you think he’s thrown a football?”
·         “I really admire the discipline required to be a professional athlete. While the rest of the world was slacking off in front of the TV, these guys were practicing for hours on end.”

And on a related note, it won’t hurt to show that you admire strength wherever it is displayed. Show appreciation for the other team’s hard work, even when they are beating your team.

4.      Remember the bigger picture.

Sports have always been a great analogy for life. You can tell a lot about a player, a coach, or a fan by the way they celebrate victories, by the way they treat their teammates and opponents, and by the way they recover from setbacks.

You see, football is about a lot more than football.

And remember … Thanksgiving is about a lot more than football, too. Thanksgiving is about shifting your perspective, remembering to count your blessings, and focusing on your family and all of the love they bring into your life.

So go around the table and voice your appreciation for all things, little and small. Be sure that you are engaged with your family and focused on what truly matters. If the game is distracting, by all means … turn it off!

Please leave a comment and tell me what lessons you’ve taught your kids about sports and life.

####

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a father who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.”

Help Wanted: Diesel Calibrator

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:14:52 -0600

For all you folks who think I’m clever and witty, I’m about to reveal one of my trade secrets. It’s GCFL.net.
Just about every day they email a joke from their “Good, Clean Funnies List.” Often it’s just silly. But sometimes they are worth passing on. Today I’m a little embarrassed to say I laughed out loud. Here’s the joke.

Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so off
they went to the unemployment office.

Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher; I sew the
elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty
stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave
him $300 a week in unemployment pay.

Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.
Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven
$600 a week. When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed
back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend
and coworker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained that panty stitchers were unskilled and
diesel fitters were skilled labor.

"What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, and Sven
pulls on it and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"

Dad, the takeaways are many: Lighten up. Tell your kids jokes. Check out GCFL.net. Use the internet for good, not for evil. And don’t tell anyone else my secret for being clever and witty.

xxxo,
/jay

Guys: If this particular joke was not funny to you because you’re out of work, here’s a pro-active longshot idea. Write three lines about your skills and desired position below along with your city and initials. Send me your email address (payleitner@aol.com) and if someone contacts me because they have a job opening, I’ll put the two of you in touch.